It’s something I’ve never really thought much about – my hair. I have baby-fine, mostly straight with a mild frizz type of hair. I’ve never been particularly adept at styling it and if I can get through a day without anyone really noticing anything about my hair at all, it’s a win.

I wonder…. Do you think cancer was God’s way of teaching me to stop griping about my hair?

At any rate, I debuted my crew cut at work this week. It was every bit as awkward and uncomfortable as I knew it would be. My work place is a vast building with over 1,000 workers and it will likely take months before I see everyone. Meaning, I’ll relive this ‘first day sporting a crew cut’ day over and over and over for… could take three months before I run into everyone.

There will be several first-time walking into meetings with various people, several first-time ‘I didn’t recognize you’ moments and several ‘You cut your hair!’ It’s exhausting.

The whole hair journey has been exhausting – a year full of intense scrutiny over how I look.

‘How does she look?’ ‘Has she lost weight?’ ‘Is she looking energetic today?’ ‘Does she still have hair?’ ‘Has she shaved her head?’ ‘Man that’s a great wig’ ‘I’m going to take a much closer look so I can really see that hairline’ ”Does she have eyebrows?’ ‘She looks good today’ ‘She doesn’t look like a cancer patient’ ‘She still has eyelashes’ ‘Yikes, she looks like a cancer patient.’

That goes on and on all year, every time you interact with someone.

I know it’s out of care and concern for my well-being. But I hate it. I’d hate that kind of scrutiny on my best day, let alone during a time I feel so painfully unattractive and uncomfortable in my own body.

But I hated wearing that wig. I felt like I was wearing a costume. I felt ridiculous sitting in a room where people know I have cancer and don’t have hair but I’m sitting here in fake hair (real hair, actually. $2,700 worth of human hair – that insurance does not cover) But still.

It was itchy, and hot. And so itchy. Itchy, itchy, itchy. Alllll daaaaaay lonnnnnnng itchy. I hated it. The wig allowed me to blend in when I wanted or needed to which is a gift in those moments, but I hated it.

So, while it’ll be a long slog, I guess I may as well get it started, right?

Day 1, down.

So, I guess I’m officially a gal with a really, really short pixie-ish, crew cut type of hairdo. The type people look at and think ‘I wonder why she wants such a short haircut?’

From this ol’ wig (I took this the day before I went without the wig. I wanted to show how high the snow pile was) to that. No wonder people are shocked, right?

I’m Erica and I’m so glad that you’re here! This is a good catch-all place for all of my various projects, performances and ponderings.

I want to start by saying I’ve been sidelined this year after learning of my breast cancer diagnosis – talk about sucking the wind of one’s sails.

After COVID derailed all of us, last year finally felt like I was getting back to living again. I had a couple of performances that put a spring in my step and a song in my heart. I began 2022 with a couple of trips (Disneyland with the all the nieces and nephews and New York City for myself).

Then wham! Cancer. Not at all what I had in mind for my 2022.

But, as I tell people – it’s not been my best year but it’s also not been my worst (that was 2018 when my sweetheart husband died, shockingly, of blood clots).

All of that is to say, it’s been a hell of a year. I’m happy to say I’ve made it through chemo, my pathology results show zero cancer cells (hallelujah!) and I’m ready to start growing back some hair.

OH! And I’ve been working on a book (a dream of mine) and I’m gathering thoughts for a come back show.

I hope you’ll join me.